Day 2: Why did your last friendship end?

31 Days of BPD

fade

This blogpost is incredibly easy for me to write. It’s a simple answer and it doesn’t just apply to my last friendship, it applies to most of my friendships that have ended. It faded. The relationship just faded from strong to weak. Sometimes that was their fault, sometimes both of us could have done more, but more often than not, the fault is mine.

One of my 50 facts on the All About Me page states that I love my friends, but I’m not always a good one. That’s not a matter of opinion, it’s a fact. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in their lives, if I’m not in a good place I block them out. I don’t answer their texts or calls, I don’t see them. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that I don’t have a coping strategy and the people that I love are the ones that take the blame.

I have only a few friends that know this, understand this and accept this. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes we’ve argued, but on the whole they know me and they know I love them. These are my best friends. 

If they’re grieving or having boyfriend issues or family issues or life issues they are on my mind constantly. I want to help them and be there as much as possible as they’re the few that do the same for me, but it’s like my brain and my body don’t work together. And my body says to cut them out.

So that’s the answer in short. I don’t have many enemies, and if you asked most of the people I was friends with in school or from another period in my life I think their answer would be the same, ‘it just faded‘.

love lauren x

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