Day 5: Have you ever written a suicide note?

31 Days of BPD *Trigger warning*

Screenshot_2014-08-23-13-58-16-1

This question, like yesterdays, has a quick and simple answer, and this is probably going to be my shortest blog post ever.

No. 

When ever I’ve come close to ending everything, writing to the people I love just seems incredibly unnatural to me when I know they’re going to wish I hadn’t done it. I wouldn’t be able to find the words to tell someone I loved them and then go through with it.

love lauren x

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13 thoughts on “Day 5: Have you ever written a suicide note?

  1. magicbluefire says:

    This is powerful. I also agree with the comment above… however I hope for all who live with mental illness (among other illnesses) that we can make peace with our pain. I am trying to, but it’s incredibly hard.

    Like

    • bylaurenhayley says:

      It is hard, but I think sharing experiences and realising that in the grand scheme of things you’re not that different to many other people is a great first step towards finding peace with it. Thanks for commenting!

      Like

      • magicbluefire says:

        Yep. And I am actually surprised at how many people I’ve connected with on my blog by simply sharing my truth. Writing my inner feelings and seeing people like or comment or just following my blog makes me realize that they see something in what I wrote – enough to stop and show their support. And that matters to me. Much love. I look forward to reading more of your blog. I have been dx’d with BPD too… so I get that. ❤

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  2. autismthoughts says:

    I don’t think I could ever write a note to the people I love thinking I would go through with suicide either. I did write a will a few times though. I figured if I distributed all my stuff out then they wouldn’t be so sad. It seems kind of funny now though.

    Like

    • bylaurenhayley says:

      As strange as it sounds that actually sounds incredibly thoughtful. The fact that you were in such a bad mindset but still trying to work out ways to make it not such a terrible thing for your family is commendable.

      Like

      • autismthoughts says:

        That’s actually one of the few things that has kept me alive- trying to make my death not such a terrible thing. In the end, I always came back to the thought that it would be a terrible thing and so I have stayed through my darkest times.

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  3. margaretmathews says:

    I wrote it once when I was going through depression but couldn’t ever get through with it after I wrore what I did.Writing is the best catharsis for poeple with mental illness. I am a psychology major.Listen to me👻

    Like

  4. Old Man Logan. says:

    when i was sitting in my cupboard with my gun in my mouth, i thought of how much mess it would make for my wife to clean up. it seems funny to me now but that thought took my finger of the trigger. if i went through with this she would have to get all new clothes as i am about to spread my brains all over her clothes. i didnt think about how she would feel or the kids or my friends. just the physical mess to clean up not the emotional one.

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