31 Days of BPD
This post is quite interesting for me. Me and my boyfriend Nath are probably the happiest we’ve ever been right now, but I think it’s fair to say I’m not always the best girlfriend and I can snap at the smallest things.
We’re also long distance and have been for the past year – this is nearly over and soon we’ll be together again, but it’s been a struggle. Particularly because of one of the less well known characteristics of BPD called Lack of Object Constancy.
When I was first diagnosed a few months ago, I took to YouTube in search for some answers, and Dani Z was one of the first channels I found. When I watched the video that I’ve posted below, it was the first time I felt as though I wasn’t completely crazy and that there was a reason for my short temper and lack of enthusiasm when Nath wasn’t actually present. It was also the main thing that eventually caused us to split up for around a month during March, so these answers meant a lot to me.
I’ve also been known to settle amongst my friends and family with people that aren’t 100% right for me. I definitely want to make it clear that I’m not settling with Nath – he’s brilliant and he means the world to me – but I have before countless times. I enter into relationships that I know aren’t right, and I stay in relationships when I know they’re not right. It’s all down to a fear of being alone.
This is something I definitely struggle with. This overbearing thought that I’m too much to handle and at some point or another everyone’s going to leave. But I’m learning to become a bit more at ease with the concept, as the more I keep the wrong people around and stress about people leaving, the less chance I’m giving myself to end up happy.