31 Days of BPD
I’m an open book. I’ve never been good at keeping secrets and keeping things private. I’m not ashamed of who I am or what I’ve done in life.
When I was first diagnosed with BPD and Cyclothymia, BPD awareness month was just starting – so I shared some quotes on my Facebook page for everyone to see and also told them that this is what I had. And as for the anxiety, I couldn’t hide that from people even if I wanted to. It’s there for the world to see because it stops me from doing so many normal things. Why not educate people on why I can’t sit in a crowded cinema? It’s unusual so explain.
Most of my friends know that I’ve suffered a lot over the years, so why not give them the reason why. There’s also a link to my blog on my Instagram; so my friends can click on it if they wish and see more in depth what it’s like to me.
If anything, my diagnosis was a relief rather than a burden. I liked the idea that there was a name for something that was causing me so much pain – and when there’s a name, there’s often a resolution. That was exciting to me.
I have this disorder and so sometimes life is harder than I wish it was. Sometimes I completely and utterly hate my life. Sometimes I love it. The brain is a fucked up thing – but that’s all it is. A diseased brain that isn’t functioning the same as everyone elses.
People wouldn’t judge you if you had any other illness with your brain would they? If you had a tumour or epilepsy or you had a stroke. And they won’t for this either.
This isn’t a choice. I do not choose to be this way. It’s an illness. Don’t be ashamed. It kills just as many people as those other life-threatening illnesses.
So my point is, if you haven’t told anyone. Tell someone. One person that you trust. Give them a little credit – their reaction won’t be anywhere near as bad as you anticipate. There’s so much focus on the stigmas associated with mental health (and don’t get me wrong, they’re there and we need to get rid of them), but if someone loves you they won’t judge you; so don’t let that put you off speaking about it.
The relief you’ll feel is incredible – and it gives you someone to talk to in your darkest hours. I wouldn’t give up my mum, boyfriend and best friends being there for me in those times for the world. It makes the world an easier place to be in.