Day 24: If you could pick one year of your life to give back and start over, which one would it be?

31 Days of BPD

There are quite a few years that were definitely not fun.

At 14 I was panicked everyday.
At 15 I was depressed.
At 16 I was probably in the deepest depression I’ve ever endured.
At 17 I stopped eating.

I could go on. I think it’s fair to say that my teenage years were the worst. They were awful. Everyone hates the idea of turning 20 when they’re 19, because it sounds a lot more grown up – but for me I loved it. I loved the idea that I was no longer in a period of time that I considered so traumatic.


But if I had to chose one stand-out year that I’d change, it would be 13. Not because it’s the beginning of the dreaded teenage-dom, but because that’s when it happened.

On May 1st this year, it will be 10 years since everything changed. I was a normal 13 year old who was then ‘sexually abused’ I guess you’d call it, by an uncle of mine. I don’t like calling it that though. 10 years on I still don’t think it feels like it should be called something that bad.

Anyway. That’s the year. That’s when it all started. And that’s the year I’d change.
End of post.


7 thoughts on “Day 24: If you could pick one year of your life to give back and start over, which one would it be?

  1. kbailey374 says:

    It would be 2010 and I would take that leap, to start school and take the job that I was too scared to take … I am still not sure if it was God’s will or not but I do know I have regretted not doing it ever since 😦 And now it is too late because my bipolar and anxiety have gotten worse and worse since then.

    Liked by 1 person

    • myambivalentexistence says:

      You can still do it. Im 32 and just started college this year. I have minimal education and have only held entry jobs until i stayed home to have children. Now its time to do something for me. My anxiety makes it difficult and the current blah im in makes me dread it and want to quit. But this will pass and the time will pass and i want something to show for it. *hugs*


  2. lifeofmiblog says:

    Good post. I thought about 2014 since that is the year of my meltdown, but if one could get back to the start of it all it would be better. That’s a problem for me as I’m not real sure. As long as I can remember (as early as 7 or 8) I’ve had that overwhelming sense of sadness and wishing the sun won’t rise. So maybe I will just stick with 2014!

    Liked by 1 person

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