Fall out

I’ve been in a really bad mood since yesterday because me and my housemate had a bit of an argument. You know the kind where it starts as something relatively small and petty but builds and builds until you both say things you don’t mean?

pain

I snap a lot anyway. I can’t help it. I’m not good at biting my tongue, I never have been. If someone does something slightly wrong in my eyes, they become the devil to me and I have no control over the words that come out of my mouth.

I like to think of myself as a good friend though. I genuinely really care about my friends and wouldn’t ever do anything to make them upset or feel uncomfortable. I don’t have a lot – but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I have a lot of acquaintances and a few good friends that I’d trust with my life. And my housemate is one of those good friends.

The reason I got upset is because she thought I was trying to exclude her from certain things and that I was going behind her back – which as I’ve just mentioned is the complete opposite to how I treat my friends. It upset me that she thought I could be intentionally malicious towards her; I really do feel quite let down right now and spent all of last night just randomly bursting into tears.

The problem with me though, is I know I can be irrational and make a bigger deal out of things. So when something really does affect me, I can’t tell whether or not I’m being rational or if my BPD driven bitch-head is on which is hard for me.

My instinct right now though is telling me that I am being rational and that I’ve done everything in my power to make her feel the opposite of how she obviously feels. For a couple of days, it’s now about avoidance and hopefully a bit of space will calm the storm.

lovelauren

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9 thoughts on “Fall out

  1. lola gayle says:

    I snapped at The Man the other day. BIG TIME. I stayed annoyed at him until the next morning. Still am kind of. However, I sucked it up, apologized, and slowly but surely my annoyance is calming down. I do so hope you two can get past this hiccup.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bylaurenhayley says:

      I will do eventually. Right now though I know I’m not in the wrong and I can’t deal with her telling everyone else about our issues too, making me look like the bad person. I’ve moved out for a few days to calm down first.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. lifeofmiblog says:

    A person I once knew described life as standing alone in the dark on a deserted island. The feeling of utter aloneness. And yet those very few people who can break through that and touch us are the very ones we so often by our ‘odd’ behavior hurt. We need to cherish such people.
    Hope the rift is soon repaired!

    Like

  3. safirefalcon says:

    Sux she went off telling others about it. I know lots of people do that, but it really bothers me. My sister is so good at trashing people with her so called version of her story. I can’t stand it. If you have a problem with me, talk to ME. My sister loves to go running to our mother…still in adulthood, it’s ridiculous.

    A bit of a different situation though. I hope you’re able to work it out.

    Like

    • bylaurenhayley says:

      Thanks. That’s exactly my opinion. I tried to have a conversation with her last night but someone else refused to leave the room because they think its their business. Sorry but I’m not having this conversation with other people!

      Like

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