I promised you all an update after I disappeared off the face of the earth – so here it is.
When things go, for a lack of a better word, shit – my brain just shuts down and the last thing I want to do is talk to anyone. In fact, I can’t talk to anyone. There are no words.
This time it all comes down to fallings out with people and just feeling like everyone’s against me at the moment. I don’t feel comfortable in my own home and surroundings so I have increased anxiety and haven’t been myself at all. Things are now getting a little better though and friendships are beginning to sort themselves out – plus it’s always the more unlikely people who step up to the plate and become your friend in your hour of need, isn’t it? And I’ve really discovered I have a lot more true friends than I originally thought.
I posted on the 26th February asking for suggestions based on what I could do to embarrass myself. It was a task set by my hypnotherapist encouraging me to do something out of my comfort zone and become more at ease with the idea of publicly having a panic attack. The more at ease I am with the situation, the less I’ll then avoid certain places, and ultimately I’ll be less likely to panic.
You gave me some great suggestions. I spent ages giggling through them all. Some of the people you know have some serious guts! In the end though, I went for:
- Waving at someone random in the street
- Leaving my phone off silent and getting someone to ring me in a lecture
- Spilling a drink on myself in public
Have I done them though? Of course not. With increased anxiety it was the last thing I wanted to do. But in the last couple of days, I’ve began feeling myself again so over the next week I’m making it my mission to achieve them all before we break up at uni for Easter.
Wish me luck and I’ll check it again soon!