Things are really difficult at the moment. I seem to be spiralling back down and I’m trying to remain positive and say to myself that ‘this is just what happens’ and ‘there are going to be lows but it’ll be fine’ – but it’s really really difficult.
I’m organising an event on Monday 4th May which is going to be amazing but it’s putting me under so much pressure. And then I have three exams also before the end of May.
I’ve been feeling stressed for a while now but it’s really only the last week that my body and my anxiety have really been taken over by it. I’m constantly anxious. I had three panic attacks yesterday and was sick twice. One of my attacks was during a client meeting for my event and I had to embarrassingly ask to get up and walk out half way through allowing the others to continue without me.
It’s just a lot. Honestly right now I have nothing positive to say so I’m really sorry for that – I just need to rant. You know those days where everything feels on top of you and you’re just sick of trying because it never seems to get any better? I’m having one of them years.
I feel drained and tired and sick and… I just have this overwhelming feeling of boredom, ya know? I’m bored of this story. I’m bored of feeling either depressed or anxious or something else that I don’t want to be feeling everyday for the last 10 years. It’s verging on half of my life. That’s a long time.
I wanna go back to when this photo was taken and start again.