Open up, world.

I’m just so frustrated with my life at the moment.  The last thing I want this blog to be about is laying all my negative thoughts onto you guys (who have enough of your own to worry about!) but right now nothing else is coming out of me.

I feel like the world is closing in on me. Like the things that don’t fill me with dread are getting less and less and my life’s becoming more narrow. Which is ironic really when my whole fear stems from being trapped in a situation.

I’m writing this from the SU at uni on my phone. I have to wait here for a bit because I left half way through a lesson after I started to panic, and my bag and keys are still in that lesson.

It’s just so difficult to see an out route. I want my world to just open up and my brain not be afraid of everything in it. I want to be able to sit in a lesson, no matter how much they bore me to tears. I want to jump on a train home, or be able to get a taxi or a bus so that I’m not in as much pain as I am now from blisters after walking 12 miles yesterday.

How do you even begin to find the strength for all that though when your body’s beaten you down so much?

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14 thoughts on “Open up, world.

  1. writerspilecki says:

    Stories heal. Find stories that can lay out a world bigger than the one you currently find yourself in. I go back to the Lord of the Rings, and Buffy, and Xena, and Harry Potter over and over again. The characters lead me back to my larger, braver self.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Blue290 says:

    First of all, never apologize for “negative” or being depressed. Especially on here. Most of us are writing to bleed it off! Being backed into a corner is part of that whole “What doesn’t kill you…well…makes you bitter and tired” 😉 Seriously though….these challenges and crushing days are what help you later in life. We say we want a perfect day and everything is sunshine and rainbows but where is that part of living? My favorite quote is: “No one ever said things are perfect…let’s invent fire…” -Fran Lebowitz
    Take a step back and like Lola said above…just breathe. Wine helps too. Lots of wine. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Heidi Jones says:

    We all feel frustrated at times. I hope you have a good day😊
    I love this quote~
    Courage doesn’t always roar.
    Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.
    Mary Anne Radmacher

    Liked by 2 people

  4. patternsofsouldevelopment says:

    All this that is happening is really, truely for your growth – life is a long journey – without its challenges, how can we ever find out the true measure of our endurability and strenght??

    When you are in the middle of it, just go with the day; when you are in happier moments, never fail tobstep back and wonder at the leg of the journey left behind, it’ll give you each time one more grain of self -acknowledgment and self-esteem: the power to move ahead and keep going.

    Like

  5. andywritespoems says:

    Hope things pick up soon, I’ve hit an emotional brick wall that seems to be stopping me moving forward, the best thing to do is ro talk to others, as a fellow blogger I feel obliged to offer my support.
    Often strength comes in the strangest of places, it sounds weird but honestly, try something new, do something you have no emotional connection to and perhaps you’ll find enjoyment in it without the negativity of the past that your everyday routine often comes with. Best of luck overcoming the slump, I hope you feel a little happier soon

    Like

  6. lifeofmiblog says:

    Hi Lauren…and I was beginning to think you had found the magic potion to recovery!
    I think it always seems worse, when you have been feeling even a little better, to take the inevitable tumble at the end. But like the seasons you know that the sooner winter comes the sooner spring comes. This is when you need to just hang on to whatever gives you comfort, even if it is sitting looking at the one year old sitting on the next table in the coffee shop (like I am right now), or writing your blog, or commenting on someone else’s post. If all else fails, just hug your phone, because it is the connection you have to the many who really do know how it feels! Take care, I promise the sun will rise tomorrow and “this too will pass”! 😎

    Liked by 1 person

  7. lizziecarver says:

    Severe anxiety is just horrible – I really feel for you. There are a couple of simple breathing practices that I teach my clients:
    First one is to lay your hand on your heart and concentrate on breathing slowly, to a count of six, into your heart and out again to six.
    But when you are really feeling panicky, six may be just impossibly too long so you can do what I call “Gradient Breathing” – in to 2, out to 4; in to 3, out to 6; in to 4 and out to 8. All those nice long out-breaths help to release some of the panic and also encourage you to take a good in-breath afterwards. And focusing on the numbers takes your mind out of the shrieking place in your head…
    Wishing you well.

    Like

  8. eggertl2 says:

    You write whatever you need to get out. I’m sure that readers can just stop reading if need be, but I find listening to others while happy, sad or even in pain is of benefit to me. While reading those words, I’m not thinking about my own crap!

    Like

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