Diagnosis one year on

So I’ve just realised that it’s been a full year since my diagnosis of BPD and Cyclothymia a couple of days ago. It seems like forever ago because so much has happened – both positive and negative.

For me, the label of a diagnosis is priceless. It shouldn’t take a label to be heard, but it does. And in my experience, doctors are much more receptive now than they ever have been in the past. I don’t just get shoved on the first anti-depressant they can think of, and they no longer tell me ‘every girl your age has ups and downs’ (which by the way is the most infuriating thing anyone has ever said to me!). But now they pay attention, you can literally see them sit up straighter when they talk to me, and they discuss options rather that thinking there’s a miracle solution in one tiny little pill.

I’ve started this blog since the diagnosis as well which again has been completely priceless. When I press ‘publish’ on my screen I let all the thoughts I’ve written down go. I’ve also ‘met’ some incredible people who are genuinely every bit as nice as they initially seem. So many of you have helped me over this past year and hopefully occasionally I’ve been able to do the same for some of you.

The negative of the past year of course is the agoraphobia which reared its ugly head into my life 11 months ago now. That’s my hardest struggle at the moment and to be honest I barely notice the depression and other symptoms I face – because I’m so drained and consumed by the constant terror.

I can’t say it’s been a good year because it’s been far from it. It’s been one of the most emotionally draining where I’ve felt completely defeated, but I posted this picture the day I got diagnosed – and I’ll always stand by it.

maralyn

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11 thoughts on “Diagnosis one year on

  1. missrebekahmay says:

    I’m bipolar and bpd, was diagnosed 2/3 years ago and am still really struggling so set this up today to “help” like a diary I guess, it’s nice to see I’m not the only one! Xx

    Like

  2. stuffthatneedssaying says:

    It’s been just over a year for me, Bipolar I and BPD. Getting a diagnosis was such a relief. I’d had these issues for 20 years, but it didn’t reach a crisis point until last year. I sure would have had a better life with an earlier diagnosis though!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. blessing_in_disguise says:

    Hi Lauren,
    It’s almost one year since I was diagnosed too – the ‘anniversary’ of my breakdown is this Wednesday. It’s crazy how it feels like yesterday, but at the same time SO much has happened since. Rather than dwell on the negative have decided to plan some fun things – and act like it’s my birthday 😉
    Really love your blog – especially its honesty and openness – and that you choose to fully expose who you are and not be anonymous.
    Best wishes 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sophie M. Gray says:

    Cheers to that! I have been fighting to get a correct diagnosis for my invisible problem. I believe I got a head trauma which resulted in major memory problems and personality change ongoing 1.6 years after the trauma. This lead to a burnout, to which I was diagnosed, as I continued to work regardless. But recently I have been diagnosed with depression by another doctor (disregarding the previous diagnosis) and given anti-depressants, which I find very incorrect as my symptoms don’t line up. Treatment for burnout and depression is very different. What you describe is exactly what I want – talk with a person who doesn’t automatically suppose that I am depressed and give me pills. So congratulations! Nothing is better than having a diagnosis to make your life a little easier ❤

    Like

    • bylaurenhayley says:

      It’s really difficult. It seems doctors think depression is the answer to everything. Which really a) doesn’t help people like us that don’t have it, and b) makes it so much more trivial for people that do suffer with serious depression. It’s the reason everyone thinks ‘everyone gets depressed’ because that’s what the doctors tell us. I hope you get your answers soon, hang in there and it’ll happen 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. devongirl2411 says:

    This is a really honest piece and thank you for sharing 🙂 I found the moment I had accepted my anxiety for what it was it became a lot easier to handle and was like a weight off of my shoulders.
    Thank you for also liking my post!

    Like

  6. carlyalexandra09 says:

    Hi Lauren,
    I have been reading many of your post, I love them as I can relate perfectly.
    I also have BPD and an anxiety disorder. Its been 5 years for me and as time goes on you learn more about yourself and create coping strategies and gain more control.
    Let it make you not break you- looks like this is exactly what’s happening with you. your battling something that has the power to destroy you as a person but instead you’ve created this amazing blog where you write about your battle and inspire others while your doing it. I can assure you so many other people like you and I will be reading this with tears glad that somebody else is like them and will be able to read your posts as a way to help them stay strong and keep fighting through and know there is hope and things will get better.
    I have written a post about my own anxiety disorder feel free to read.
    You have gained a new follower.
    Thanks Lauren.
    Carly Alexandra x

    Like

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