So I’ve finally decided what to do with all my free time over the next few months. The summer holidays have largely consisted of boredom so far; watching film after film and series after series – which I’m sure it will continue to do in some part, but I’ve also decided to do something proactive.
It’s simple, really.
What can I do that makes me happy?
Art – and I haven’t done any since I finished this year of uni. So that’s number one on my list.
And secondly, what would make me happy in the future?
Getting over all this rubbish. The anxiety that stops me from doing everything. So for this next few months, my main purpose is to conquer. For a very long time now I haven’t been able to go higher than one floor in a building for fear of being too far from the exit. I have panic attacks at even the thought of it. But today, that is about to change.
I am going to spend every single day this summer walking to uni. My campus is pretty flat – much to my relief, but we do have a building which is four floors and open 365 days of the year.
I am going to push – one fear at a time – until this life-destroying illness leaves my body.
I am so ready to be rid of it. I am so ready to lead a more relatively normal life. When my friend asks me to visit her for the weekend, I would like to be able to say yes because I can get on a train. I would like to be able to attend all my lessons and lectures next year at uni. I would like to be able to go on holiday with my boyfriend. I would like to be able to do a lot of things that right now are impossible to me, and this is my first step. Quite literally.