Below is a video of me earlier today. It’s not a happy video at all but it’s a real one and today I’ve just had a really bad day.
Right now, I’m just hoping that’s all it is – a bad day. I try so hard all the time to not be this way anymore. I’m just physically exhausted of panic. I hate letting people down all the time and letting myself down as well. And the thought that today it could have got worse frightened me more than anything else has in such a long time.
So I’ve spent all afternoon walking to the end of the street, walking back, having a cuppa and starting again.
I can’t let this get any worse. I can’t let myself be housebound. I can’t handle anymore than what I’ve already got going on.
Please know that I am already feeling much better than when I filmed this video – you have no reason to worry! But I think it’s important to show both the highs and lows of this illness. It’s not always ‘I can do this!‘, sometimes it’s ‘I really can’t do this.‘
We’re human at the end of the day.