Little steps are still steps

So today, I took some steps towards ridding myself of my anxiety (quite literally!).

I had a phone appointment with the doctor this morning, to which he told me I needed to go in and see him – useful, so I’m going to do that on Monday when my mum’s here to visit.

Yes, I still need my mum.

I’m really not looking forward to it. In fact I would rather do anything else. I don’t feel particually comfortable talking to doctors about my mental health anyway because there have been so many times that I’ve been pushed out of the door with no understanding whatsoever, and with another useless medication that does nothing.

My personal favourite quote from a doctor to this day still has to be ‘ everyone your age feels ups and downs sometimes so I wouldn’t worry‘… Just the type of reassuring statement one needs to hear whilst crying and shaking.

But hey, it needs to be done! Hopefully this time they’ll be able to come up with at least a slightly practical and beneficial plan of action.

As well as this, I also downloaded Google Fit to my phone. I keep saying I need to get out of the house and walk about to try and stop this agoraphobia from entirely taking away my freedom, but it’s hard to keep a track of it and monitor how far I’ve gone.

Anyway, Google Fit automatically sets itself to an initial goal of 6,000 steps per day so that is my new aim. I’ve just now got back from my 5,790 step walk so I’m happy with that for today. It’s nice to have something to work towards (and you have permission to give me a virtual slap if I don’t keep it up).

That’s about all for my update – as my posts about ‘me’ recently haven’t been all that positive I thought I should just let you guys know how I’m getting on!

73 thoughts on “Little steps are still steps

  1. Anthony Deakin says:

    Congrats on the walking. I bought a Fitbit for similar reasons – I found that exercise helps with my depression. If only I could be consistent 😒. When any doctor diminishes depression or anxiety to “feeling down” it’s time for a new doctor- hopefully you have found one a little more understanding.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeofmiblog says:

      I am sure exercise played a big part in getting me out of the fifty year hole I had been in. Yes as a younger person I was fit and exercised a lot, but many other things were happening in my life at that time. In more recent years I had let myself slip physically which possibly contributed to my final collapse. Twelve months of exercise and better health management certainly made a big difference. Good comment

      Liked by 1 person

  2. dougmb says:

    I know what you mean about the doctors. I recently blogged about how important it is for us, and even a close family member to be our own best advocate. Sometimes they just don’t listen. Sometimes we need to shop around until we find the right doctor for us. I’m on my third in less than 2 years. Anyway, good luck on your appt. I know it can be difficult.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. bazzabaz says:

    “I wouldn’t worry…” yeah… belongs on any top ten list of what NOT to say to anyone who suffers depression. Sounds a bit like the last so-called “counsellor” I saw and dismissed last year who kept trying to tell me “you’re not really depressed, just unhappy” – oh, if only we could swap places for a while!

    Hope the next doctor is more understanding.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Aidan not Aiden says:

    “Maybe you wouldn’t feel so anxious about how people viewed you if you tried to present yourself in a more conventional manner,” will forever go down in history as the single worst piece of advice I’ve ever received from a psychologist. I understand how they can be pretty hit-and-miss. Hopefully, this time you’ll get one who actually has an idea of what you’re going through and can actually take the steps necessary to help you.

    Congratulations on getting out and walking. They say that staying active helps with depression and anxiety (I wouldn’t know–I’ve never been able to keep it up for more than a couple days). Hopefully you can reap some of the psychological benefits in addition to the physical.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. bipolarsojourner says:

    just be firm and persistent with your doctor. every other kid doesn’t consider a hard fought victory when they make it out of the front door.

    let me tell you a true story about goal setting.

    there was this hard driven professor. he was so hard driven that he demanded of himself that he had to run farther today than he did yesterday. he’d get sick and either beat himself for not making his goal or drag his sickly body out of bed, make his goal and feel even worse than when he started.

    he talked to his counselor about his goal and his problem. the counselor gave his a new goal.

    “tomorrow, i want you to run a block, no further, just a block. the next day set a goal to run less less than you did the day before. you can run farther if you want to or feel up to it, but your goal is to always run less that the day before.”

    by flipping his goal on end, the professor could feel successful about his run every day, even if he was sick in bed.

    q: (even for me) are there goals that can be flipped on end that help to guarantee success?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Billy says:

    Big steps! Seeing the GP is a big step, well done 🙂 And yes, know very well the feeling of going countless times, regretting it all but one, and that one has made a huge difference. So you can do it! I feel it helps with GPs to hand them a specific possible diagnosis, and then let them deconstruct it if necessary. But be firm, say it affects your life and work and personal relationships and you have to change it. But you know it better than me 🙂


  7. celtics345 says:

    I understand about the doctor I had a very bad previous doctor who didn’t treat me well. I got Diabetes from his negligence along with when I told him I was having major symptoms and episodes he would give me the kind of advice your grandfather or a guy at a bar would say not a real doctor and never return my phone calls. I switched and got a new doctor and he had to make med adjustments throughout the year I’ve seen him but I have never gone inpatient and always stabilized under his watch. always returns calls and makes emergency appts if i need them fast. i have a great dr now. sometimes its just about finding the right doctor for you.

    Liked by 1 person

      • celtics345 says:

        Yea my doctor is awesome and though I have had to make a lot of med adjustments through the year. I feel like I have done my best to manage my illness and at the right place I should be at the moment it will take more progress but I am getting there. My doctor has really done a super job on getting me back on track and is a real nice guy.


      • celtics345 says:

        Yea it has been a process. I think finding the right dosage is key. We went up a pill and it has helped my sleep a lot. That was something we both decided on together. This dr tells me what he thinks we should do with the meds and then asks me how I feel. We work well together and have done well in a little over a year as I have only known him a year.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. tracihalpin says:

    Hi Lauren! Great post. I needed to hear that. I took a step to get moving. I went to the gym and now I have to foodshop. I told myself if I do those two things I will have made progress. I wish you luck with your Dr. I have had bad shrinks but the one I have now is great. Be an advocate for yourself and we all need our moms:)
    I love how you keep trying. You sound like me. We are warriors .


  9. gettingthroughanxiety says:

    Great job, Lauren! It doesn’t matter what others say, any step in the right direction is progress! I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences with therapy and medication in the past, I know that I’ve seen some therapists that haven’t really been helpful as well. However, when you find someone who is, it really does help! I wish you all the best and congrats again at succeeding at making progress! I’m so proud of you. 🙂


  10. anxietybug88 says:

    It’s definitely a pain when you can’t find a therapist that “gets” you. I was fortunate to find the right one on my second try, but I know a lot of other people who have struggled, who have been bounced from therapist to therapist. If you don’t feel like therapy with this particular doctor is getting you anywhere, I know it’s a pain, but would it be possible to try a different one? I know it’s an exhausting process, but once you find the right therapist, things can really turn around. I hope things work out for you, hun. *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  11. jennymarie4 says:

    Best of luck with your doctor appointment. And you’re motivating me to get out there and walk! Walking is my favorite form of exercise. For some reason, I haven’t done it regularly for the past month or so. And I need to. Makes me feel so much better physically and mentally. Since Talee is back home, she’ll get me to go to the gym with her 🙂


  12. Matthew Malin says:

    So glad to read that you’re striving forward and hopefully making progress towards finding more joy. Honestly, if I still could I would bring my mom with me to the Dr as well…And Im 22 and have been living away from them for almost two years. You’re not alone! 🙂


  13. Iphios says:

    Good luck on the doctor’s appointment. Your determination is amazing. I do the walking thing too. When I feel like I’m on a down world spiral and just want to curl up into a ball and never leave my bed, I go up and walk. I really hope you get a good doctor. Having a good one helps in the process of managing our mental health. Crossing my fingers for you.


  14. Toni Sturrs says:

    “Baby steps are still steps”. I like that, and I think it’s an important point to remember! I think there’s so much pressure on people with depression and anxiety to not be depressed and anxious – as if we needed any additional stress!

    There’s nothing wrong with still needing your mum, my Nan was my mother figure, and even though she died over a year ago now I still find myself talking to her, asking her for help, and wishing she was still here to support me.

    Doctors can be excellent at minimizing, but when you finally find a really good one it can be life changing. Good luck, I hope this doctor is more understanding and helpful to you and you start to see some results as opposed to a handful of pills.

    Sending love your way x


  15. theresa1122 says:

    Love the Google Fit idea. I may have to order one. Congratulations on your step forward! I’m so very proud of you!!!!! xxx


  16. daniellemcfadyen says:

    Good luck at the doctor. It can be really hard to find a doctor who ‘gets it.’ I hope this one is a good fit for you. Way to go on the walking! That is such a great place to start and hope you are very proud of yourself.


  17. Life With Anxiety ♥ says:

    Hope your new dr, is a little more understanding and has a better approach on how to tackle this illness head on, i to know how hard it is to find the right dr, after countless years I’m still on the search. xx best of luck! Hugs


  18. Heidi says:

    I hope the new doctor is a good fit! And good for you for keeping on trying to find the right person. It is great that your mom will be there to support you! Good luck.


  19. Not So Cold says:

    Congrats on taking such an important step. Believing in our value and doing what we need to do invest in our health and well-being can be difficult when we have these additional mental hurdles to overcome. You are doing great! Keep it up! 🙂


  20. lifeofmiblog says:

    Hi Lauren. Exercise really is a big deal in coping with mental health issues. Even on my darkest days a good walk would help me cope. Keep us updated…


  21. Christy says:

    i’ve not been blogging two weeks yet. but from the beginning i’ve been following your writings and i feel like i can relate with you about a lot of things, i feel like that helps me feel normal sometimes. i just feel i should let you know that.


    • bylaurenhayley says:

      Oh thank you, Christy. I’m glad you feel that way. It’s nice to have someone to relate to so that we don’t feel alone in this. I’m sure you’ll come across many others round here that are similar to you as well. Feel free to ever drop me an email if you fancy a chat 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  22. theresa1122 says:

    I installed the Google Fit app on my phone. I’m still recovering from surgery, so I’m not up and around a lot yet and can’t meet many goals, but it does help to remind me that I’m up and doing something, even while I’m trying to heal. I look forward to continue in my healing and get my daily steps to go up every day. This app has helped me see a good thing through my pain and healing. Thank you so much for bringing this app to my attention.

    I hope your doctor’s appointment went well. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  23. jennypugh says:

    Congratulations on making the decision to see your doctor. I myself know how difficult making that decision is. I chose to go and see my doctor after getting to the edge of a breakdown. He prescribed me Citalopram, which has been an amazing help. I get stomach pains when I’m anxious but I don’t actually feel emotionally anxious. I’m hoping to get off medication one day, but that day is not today. Good luck for your appointment on Monday x


  24. jesusridesthebus says:

    Stay positive! I’ve found that doctors can be hit or miss. The last one I saw was really nice and went through pretty much everything he could have done. I didn’t want any pills. But in the past I’ve seen doctors who throw pills at you like smarties.


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