Panic x6

Yesterday was a stressful day for me. Me and my mum went for a walk (something which wouldn’t have been a trigger for me just two weeks ago), and yet now that’s all it is – one big, fat, annoying trigger – just to be outside.

From the first panic attack onwards, I was in a constant state of nervousness the whole day; a couple of seconds off losing my shit again.

All in all, I had around six panic attacks yesterday. Mostly outside, but then one again after I got home before bed.

Everything was a struggle. The easiest things were impossible.

I would be walking around managing it perfectly, or sitting down having an in-depth conversation; when it would just strike again too fast and too powerful for me to bring it back down.

But also something amazing happened so I have to hold onto that as well. I stayed out.

I was given the option to come home which would have inevitably reduced my nervous energy after the first panic attack, and again after the second (and so on), but instead, I chose to stay out, which is something I’ve never done before.

I’ve never before chosen to stay in a situation which causes me to panic. Yes, I may have walked away from certain areas (or skipped to be precise, leaving my mum walking half a mile behind me), but I did stay outside which was a trigger in itself.

So that’s cool, right?

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46 thoughts on “Panic x6

  1. Leslie says:

    You rock Lauren! I’m fairly certain that not only could I have dealt with that many panic attacks in one day, but that I never would have been able to suck it up and stay in triggering situation!
    So brave!!!! And, yes, unbelievably cool!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The Anxious Dragon says:

    You did fantastically well, being able to get through those panic attacks rather than withdrawing from their triggers shows you just how strong and brave you are. Very very cool 😎

    Liked by 1 person

  3. proudmummabear says:

    Very cool and very brave. Although not so cool making me look like the very unfit, old, fat lady trailing behind you!! Haha I am so proud of you baby girl xx

    Liked by 2 people

  4. helpinganyone says:

    You do amazingly well to stay outside despite all that! You really should be proud of yourself for that ☺️like has been said before facing the fear although it’s often the hardest option, is mostly the best option! Hope you feel better now, and that you have a better day today 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Not So Cold says:

    That is great! Like you, I rarely know when I should face down my anxiety and when I should stand down. But I think you made a courageous choice and succeeded. It is important have some victories, to help us through the situations when leaving is not so easy. “We survived before, we can do it again.” Congratulate yourself. In the midst of a very hard time, you did a tremendous thing. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. JUNO's VIEW says:

    Fabulous achievement Lauren. We sometimes need to face up to our fears in order to take more control of them. But that is not to take away from the level of terror it takes to stay in the situation. You are an inspiration to so many others.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. tracihalpin says:

    Yay Lauren 🙌👏👏👏
    That’s awesome. I love your determination and perseverance. You are incredible😊 Good luck with Dr tomorrow!
    Traci

    Liked by 1 person

  8. GMPAQ says:

    WOW! Such an amazing, strong, positive choice. Sometimes we don’t have a choice about facing our fears – they are thrust upon us by outside forces. On the other hand making a conscious choice to face them is a choice most of us don’t make because its easier. Taking the hard route is the route less travelled and the route, long and hard though it may be, to overcoming and recovery.

    Keep taking the long hard route, and hopefully I’ll meet you when we both get through to the other side.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. lifeofmiblog says:

    Triggers are a killer, what are they, where are they, will they be the same as five minutes ago??? Good for you and well done, don’t be dismayed at set backs and changes that seem to go in the wrong direction, most of this is a process that we have to live through.
    All the Lauren in the coming week, with you all the way…

    Like

  10. ambivalencegirl says:

    I get my worst panic at home at night when my body slows down and my mind has time to ruminate. My T was asking about this last week and when it’s the worst and asking what I do? And really I don’t know what I do. Sometimes I’m just happy to get through and yes, it was very cool that you stayed out and about and yay you!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      • ambivalencegirl says:

        Luckily I am able to hide it and fight it most of the time like at work, in stores, driving, etc, etc. I used to get “true” panic attacks in my 20’s and they disappeared when I had children. And now, my panic is different. It’s not really much of a fire and mine doesn’t seem to spark or spread. I just shut down and feel this incredible need to hide. I’m sorry you are consumed and it does seem like it’s own kind of hell. Maybe your panic will go away as mine did for years and hopefully never return.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Foghorn The IKonoclast says:

    The fact is when I go to the store I am in a state of panic and I hate people getting too close. I have the ability to be kind but I have to kind of psyche myself up for up. I have a total disability related to it and a suicidal ideation issue that is persistent. I am reasonably bright but self-doubt kind of ruins that. I am a Meteorologist.. go figure…

    Like

  12. Sandra Yeaman says:

    This comment isn’t necessarily most relevant for this post, but I came across a post on Facebook about an app developed by an autistic man to help those around him deal with what he needs during periods when he cannot speak what he wants others to know. It has been modified by others who can’t necessarily speak at the moment, but they can text. http://www.upworthy.com/no-one-knew-how-to-help-him-during-a-panic-attack-so-this-autistic-man-made-an-app-to-tell-them?c=ufb2

    Like

  13. maximusaurus says:

    Good on you!
    I’ve found that while pushing myself too far can lead me to slip backwards, gradual controlled exposure (at my own pace and on my own terms) has been one of the most useful ways for me to build resistance against my panic triggers.

    Like

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