It’s so strange isn’t it, how anxiety can make you feel like a little girl again with the flick of a switch.
As most of you know, my mum has been with me this weekend. She came to visit on Friday and left just this morning.
It’s fair to say that I haven’t had an easy weekend whilst she’s been here. I’ve been in a constant state of nervousness that’s made me randomly panic throughout. I’ve probably had ten panic attacks in four days. I’ve not gone much further than the end of my street or really done anything. I’ve panicked inside and I’ve panicked outside.
It’s generally just been a bit shitty. Of course other than the fact that I’ve had my lovely mum with me.
So today, when it came to her leaving, I reverted back to being a child. I got scared and upset, and was hyperventilating in tears for the last half an hour of her being here, all whilst being tucked up in bed watching Beauty and the Beast trying to calm down.
She did offer to stay until my boyfriend gets home off holiday tonight, but it’s ridiculous. She had a train to catch and it’s not like I can now be scared of being without my mum – she lives four hours away and I’m a 23-year-old woman!
So she left, and four hours later I am still here and I am OK.
But it’s ridiculous, isn’t it? I’ll never be too old to need my mumma. She’s the best.