See you later, alligator

Quite often when I go quiet and don’t blog for a while people assume I’m not OK; like I’m too sad or anxious to want to blog.

I know I’ve been quiet recently, but really the reason behind that is quite the opposite. I’m nowhere near ‘better’, but I’ve been feeling hopefully and making progress recently. I’ve pushed myself into walking further than I have in a long time, I’ve started painting again, I’ve started my YouTube channel – I’ve just started doing things I enjoy for me and began to recover.

The reason I originally started this blog was to have somewhere to rant, lay out my feelings and speak to some fantastic people who understand all of what I’m going through and it’s great for that. I do occasionally also share some random aspects of my life and more positive stories, but it was never the main purpose for this space.

And so really, the reason I’ve been quiet is because of that – because I’ve been more positive and happy than I have been in a while. I have been busy getting better.

I love being on here and getting to know all of you great people, and I’m sure I’ll be back to using this blog more often soon – as everyone knows, recovery and general mental health comes in waves. However, I just wanted to write this post to reassure everyone I’m OK firstly, and secondly to take some of the pressure off me ‘having to’ write posts frequently.

I love being an advocate for mental health and I love that people feel as though they can come to me with their problems. I still get emails and tweets daily from people who want some advice or just a general chat and please don’t stop doing that, it’s great.

On the flip side though, I think I immersed myself into the world of mental health so much that that’s all I have been able to think about recently. Everything in my life has been concerning my anxiety or mental health in general. I have been meeting with great organisations and talking to fantastic people constantly, and I’m not by any means saying I am going to cut ties with them, but it’s taken me until now to realise that I think I need more than that.

I have been so wrapped up in mental health services and everyone has been telling me how proud they are of me for doing it, that I think I’ve forgotten all the other stuff I enjoy doing. For instance I can’t remember the last time I did a piece of art that wasn’t mental health related because it was just pretty.

Having to think about my own mental health and other’s mental health on a constant basis is too much for me right now. The whole reason I suffer from such bad anxiety is because I over think situations, and so I don’t need to be in a situation right now where I have to think about it even more.

This is not goodbye. I will be back soon, but I just wanted to let you all know where I am at and the reason I have been so quiet. I appreciate you all and I promise I’m OK!

Speak soon!
L x